Archive for April, 2019

These old Facebook “Notes” are blessing me! Here’s a post from May 6, 2008 that is helpful as I prepare for #REALConference2019.

So, I’m going through the throws of life right now as I plan this REAL Conference. The closer it gets the more I struggle. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Of course, that’s what being REAL is all about: understanding your struggle and overcoming it.

Right now, I’m really struggling…struggling to understand my actions and desires weighted against what purpose God has for me. It’s a daily press, I guess, but some days can be harder than others…and today is a harder day.

I’m at a point in life where I’d like things to come together. I’m almost 30, so the desire to be married and have kids is strong…very strong…almost consumingly so…and folks don’t understand that, I guess. I don’t understand it myself. I don’t want to forfeit that…not now…I’ve got too much in store for me…

My eternal purpose trumps my temporary pleasure. I want to serve God wholly, but I keep failing Him miserably. I’m beginning to see myself as unworthy…as I know I am…of anything He could or would give me. And therein lies my struggle…I’m ashamed for feeling this way…

I’m working on it, though…trying to see what God sees in me…trying to find my worth. I know that I’m His child…I know that He’s called me for a purpose…I know that He has big plans for me. However, there are times…like now…when I don’t feel like it…when my love for a person seeming equates to heartache and grief…when all my deeds seem null and void…that I just want to throw in the proverbial towel. Bring on the chocolate…bring on the man…bring on the self-indulgence that pushes me away from my purpose…

I can’t do that though… It’s crunch time! It’s time to tighten up. It’s time to get my mind right. It’s time to get things in order…it’s time to get REAL! I’m in process. I know I have an expected end! I trust you all will pray with me in this process…

He Did It Again

I was stressing out over a payment that was made from my account. I thought a free trial ended on the 13th, but it ended on the 12th. Almost $700 was about to be gone out of my account…$652.24 to be exact. I freaked all the way out. That $652.24 was surely going to be $700+ because of overdraft fees and fees for the other fees. You know what I mean, right?

On top of that, another draft was made on my account for something else that wasn’t supposed to happen at all. Another $30 was taken. Complete freak out mode!!! I’m thinking about making sure I can pay my rent and the rest of my bills, get clothes for my growing 7 year old, put gas in the car and food on the table, and so much more. I called my mom to talk it out.

First thing I noticed about the call is that I wasn’t asking her to bail me out. (Is this what life at 40 looks like?) In the past, my parents have bailed me out of situations that were mostly my own doing. They have been there for me through all kinds of stuff. My dad even offered to loan me the money that was going to be taken out of my account. I declined that offer.

As I was talking with my mother, she gave me the sage advice of praying about it without freaking out. She also told me to call and see if the charges could be reversed. Wise woman, that lady…wise woman. My mother also said if everything happened and the monies were gone, chalk it up to a lesson learned. She calmed me down with her Jesus pep talk.

I’m still crying now…but because God showed up for me less than an hour later. All the charges had been reversed and refunded. How amazing is that? I got my panties in a bunch for nothing. God handled it…

How many times do we freak out about stuff out of our control? Sometimes I have the wherewithal to pray immediately, but most times, I don’t. I needed the Jesus pep talk to calm my nerves so I could go through the process of restoration for my bank account.

This isn’t the first time God’s shown up for me…and it definitely won’t be the last. I’m just so grateful that He did!

I See The Storm

I wrote this blog while I was in Panama with my parents back on March 6, 2011. I thank God for relevance so many years later.

As we were traveling back from Colon today, I saw that we were heading directly into a rain storm. We were about 3 miles out when I spotted it. I was hoping that we were behind it so we wouldn’t have to go through it. As we got closer to it, the storm seemed larger and more ominous than when I first saw it. We could even see the line of demarkation, if you will: sunshine here and 5 feet later dark rolling clouds. The rainfall was nothing short of torrential. We had to slow down significantly, slowing down the process to our destination. It was kinda scary for a bit, because our visibility was greatly diminished.

I wasn’t sure how big the storm was, but in the middle of the storm, I looked off into the distance and saw the sun peaking through the clouds. It was just a quick little pocket of sunshine, but somehow it made me feel better…

You know where this is going, right?

Sometimes as we face the “storms” of life, we see it off in the distance. We want to avoid it, looking for exits or ways around it…but there are none. The only way is to go through it.

When you get to your storm, as much as you expect it, it may be bigger than you think your “vehicle” can handle. Just know that in the middle of your storm, God will show you a ray of sunlight letting you know the Son is still shining.

God is daily amazing me…letting me know how great He is and how much He loves me!

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