These old Facebook “Notes” are blessing me! Here’s a post from May 6, 2008 that is helpful as I prepare for #REALConference2019.

So, I’m going through the throws of life right now as I plan this REAL Conference. The closer it gets the more I struggle. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Of course, that’s what being REAL is all about: understanding your struggle and overcoming it.

Right now, I’m really struggling…struggling to understand my actions and desires weighted against what purpose God has for me. It’s a daily press, I guess, but some days can be harder than others…and today is a harder day.

I’m at a point in life where I’d like things to come together. I’m almost 30, so the desire to be married and have kids is strong…very strong…almost consumingly so…and folks don’t understand that, I guess. I don’t understand it myself. I don’t want to forfeit that…not now…I’ve got too much in store for me…

My eternal purpose trumps my temporary pleasure. I want to serve God wholly, but I keep failing Him miserably. I’m beginning to see myself as unworthy…as I know I am…of anything He could or would give me. And therein lies my struggle…I’m ashamed for feeling this way…

I’m working on it, though…trying to see what God sees in me…trying to find my worth. I know that I’m His child…I know that He’s called me for a purpose…I know that He has big plans for me. However, there are times…like now…when I don’t feel like it…when my love for a person seeming equates to heartache and grief…when all my deeds seem null and void…that I just want to throw in the proverbial towel. Bring on the chocolate…bring on the man…bring on the self-indulgence that pushes me away from my purpose…

I can’t do that though… It’s crunch time! It’s time to tighten up. It’s time to get my mind right. It’s time to get things in order…it’s time to get REAL! I’m in process. I know I have an expected end! I trust you all will pray with me in this process…