Every now and then, I get inspired to write some funny stuff…so here’s a short compilation of some good ones.

ALL MY CHRISTIAN PEOPLE

This is the title to my remake of “Single Ladies”! I’ve gospelized it…but it’s still in the works…

All My Christian People
All My Christian People
All My Christian People
All My Christian People
Now put your hands up

verse 1
Up in the church
Came here to learn
The ins and outs of God’s Word
Relationship
So I don’t slip
Applying everything I’ve heard
He’s the Ruler of all
There when I call
He gets all of my attention
Though high on His throne
Never leaves me alone
God Almighty Lord of Lords King of Kings

chorus
If you love Him then you need to put a praise on it
If you love Him then you need to put a praise on it
The devil’s mad cuz you gotta stomp his head for it
If you love Him then you need to put a praise on it

ha-ah-le-loo-ooo-yah ha-ah-uh-le-loo-ooo-yah

verse 2
Gonna praise His name
From the mountaintop proclaim
He’s the one and only God on high
Sometimes I forget
And I take a misstep
Hmm…thinking I can just get by
Just like my Daddy
Sees me doing badly
Gives me the proper correction
But I know He still loves me
It is on Him that I lean
It’s no wonder why I love Him like I do

 

ANOINTED MISTLETOE

The Bible says that a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. Are you a single female, praying to be found? You know that you’re a good thing, right? I have just the thing for you. ANOINTED MISTLETOE! It’s not just for Christmas anymore. For a gift of only $19.95, you can receive your personal branch of anointed mistletoe. We have intercessors praying over this mistletoe, which has been anointed with the finest extra virgin olive oil direct from Jerusalem. The same olive tree Jesus walked under…

Not only am I the spokesperson for this, I’m also a recipient of the blessing of the anointed mistletoe. A friend told me about it. I was skeptical at first, but I prayed, stepped out on faith, and bought my own anointed mistletoe. Five days later, my husband found me. So I know first hand this works! Go to your phones now and dial 1-800-HOLY-KISS.

If you call within the next 7 minutes (because 7 is the number of completion), we’ll double your order. That’s right you’ll receive not one but 2 branches of this anointed mistletoe. But wait, there’s more! We’ll even throw in a bottle of water from the Jordan River!

For less than $20, your life can change forever. That number again is 1-800-HOLY-KISS. Call now…intercessors are standing by!

 

TESTAMENT TABLETS

Have you ever been in a church service and cleared out a row? Did you think it was your praise? You probably thought you had dispelled the demons on your row, but that wasn’t the case. It was the halitosis in your hallelujah. What to do? You open your mouth to give a word that no one can receive because your breath is no sweet smelling savor. Try Testament Tablets! They come in 2 flavors: Old Testament and New Testament…just like the Bible. These innovative formulas are sure to please and be pleasing.

Old Testament Tablets were developed by monks in the Alps studying the book of Leviticus. They used a combination of plants and herbs mentioned in the book and tasted the mixture, thinking it would bring them closer to God. While it didn’t do that, it did strengthen the brotherhood because they all had good breath.

New Testament Tablets were developed by preachers trying to be like John the Baptist mixing together honey and locust. The result wasn’t pretty, but they all had fresh breath and surprisingly supple skin (an added benefit)!

So try Testament Tablets today! Scriptures are printed on the packaging so you can get a word while freshening your breath. Testament Tablets…taking the halitosis out of your hallelujah!