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I Am Worship

Sometimes, you have to reach back and remember some stuff you’ve written before. Here’s an oldie, but goodie from July 11, 2010.

I’m back at home now (for all you who were wondering where in the world I was), and I went to church today. The message was entitled “Worship is a Verb” and there were some great points given (thanx Lady Victoria). Near the end of the service, God dropped this in my spirit: “you, Leesha, are worship.” Of course, I was perplexed…which is not uncommon when God speaks to me…it just amazes me that HE would speak to me.

In the message, she talked about the things we need to do, the posture we need to take, the attitude we need to have for worship. According to Dictionary.com, worship in the verb form means 2 things: to render religious reverence and homage to or to feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing). So, we clap our hands, we open our mouths, we put aside our issues to reverence our God. It is a sweet moment of serenity when you really “tap in” and it is just you and God.

I have had many experiences and encounters with God. No spooky stuff here…I just know that I have basked in His presence. When HE told me that I am worship, I thought to myself I can’t be a verb…

One of the definitions of “worship” as a noun is: the object of adoring reverence or regard. Now, I am in no means trying to get the focus on me, because I am not in any way, shape, or form, worthy of anything like that. But what dropped in my spirit right there is that I am to be a reflection of God. I am to cause people to turn to him even if I never say a word. My lifestyle should emulate HIM. My attitude should embody HIM. My aura should exude HIM. My very being should reflect HIM as the object of my action.

As I examine this thought “I AM WORSHIP” I realize that I am meant to live my life as a mirror image of my Heavenly Father. I am to cause people to take action past the realm of the church building…past the comfort of your own home…past the barriers you may have set for yourself in terms of your relationship with God.

With your very life, emulate, embody, exude, and emanate the very essence of the One who is worthy of worship. Make a conscious decision to make HIM the object of your adoring reverence and render homage to HIM.

God is worthy…and with all that I am, I worship HIM…I AM WORSHIP…

When The Push Is Necessary

I started this blog post November 2018…and I’m just getting around to finishing it…LOL!

I’m sitting in a business lab and was tasked with writing a blog…so here I am…writing…

What I am discovering is that I needed this push…because I need to do it. I need to write. Writing is cathartic and healing. It also helps others which is what I’m all about. Why don’t I do it more often? Because it’s hard.

Sometimes, I have so much on my mind that I NEED to get written down. It’s good stuff, too! Other times, I have random questions that I think other people want to ask as well. But finding the time…really taking the time to sit down, gather my thoughts, and put it down seems so incredibly daunting. There is a Gavin to take care of, there are dishes to be washed, photos to be taken, and not to mention ALL the other things on my mind.

How can I do and be better with this writing thing? Well, I am using the word “PUSH” to get me over this hump.

Pursue: I have to pursue peace and make that a priority.

Understand: I have to understand that I’m not superwoman.

Strategize: I have to create a plan that puts the proper priorities in order.

Hope: I have to believe that there is a greater purpose in making things happen.

If I keep these things in mind and execute the strategy to accomplish them, I will fulfill part of my purpose here on this earth. Looking from that perspective, I have no choice but to write. Know that when you pursue the purpose for your life, fulfillment will soon follow.

What is the thing that you are supposed to be doing? Connect with someone or something that will give you that PUSH!

 

Renewing Your Mind…

Whew…do I want to do that? Do I really want to change my mind about my situation? THAT person? THOSE people?

I really asked myself these questions before I started this 21 day devotional called “Renew, Rebuild, Restore” on the YouVersion app. My thing is that I KNOW I need a mind renewal…sometimes, I don’t want to do the work that it takes. I realize, though, I need a major paradigm shift in my everything NOW…and it all starts in my mind…so I’m doing the work.

I’m only 8 days in…join me on this journey!

 

This morning, I had a smudge in the lower right corner of the left lens of my glasses. It did not impact my sight directly, but it did impede my ability to get ready. It was a tiny smudge outside of my direct view…but I kept seeing it in my peripheral view.

How many times have we let the little “smudge” cloud our whole view? You see what you have to do…it’s right in front of you…but that thing – that relationship, that person, that situation – has you all over the place. While you need to be aware of what is around you, you cannot be focused on the things in your periphery.

Here’s the process I had to go through this morning in order to refocus:

  • Own Up: I had to own up to the fact that the little smudge was bothering me and that I, Leesha, was stopping my own self from moving forward. I was the one who allowed myself to get frustrated because of a little nondescript thing.
  • Object: Once I realized what I was doing, I had to object to myself…LOL! I literally said to myself, “Leesha, I object to you allowing this thing to stop you. Leave the smudge there and do what you’ve got to do!”
  • Overcome: So I got my kid ready…got myself ready…it took a little more time than usual because of this pep talk I had to give myself, but I got things done with that smudge still in the corner of my left glasses lens. I did it! I made it through!

Eventually, I did clean my glasses and got rid of the distraction. You’re going to have to get rid of the distraction at some point (but that’s another blog for another day). The victory for me came when the distraction no longer distracted me. I didn’t have to worry about what was on the periphery because I was focused on what was in front of me.

I encourage you…don’t allow the things outside of your direct view cause you to stray off course. Acknowledge that there is something there, refuse to let it bother you, and move forward. It may take a minute to figure it out; but when you do, you’ll be able to accomplish so much more in your day…and in your life!

Suddenly Stuck

I am in Georgia this weekend visiting my aunt. She suffered a stroke some time ago and it was touch and go for a while. Thankfully, she is getting better…but there is still a long journey ahead of her. Please pray for her continued healing.

What I’ve realized is that I am horrible at dealing with stuff like this. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to respond. I’ve only talked to her a few times since we’ve been here. Not too long ago, I had a friend who was in a car accident and I called once…ONCE! What kind of niece am I? What kind of friend am I?

It’s not that I don’t know why I get stuck. After having been through several car accidents in a short period of time, I get super freaked out when things happen to the ones I love. I remember wanting people to reach out but not wanting to talk to anybody. I remember being in so much pain but I didn’t want anyone to know anything. So, when things happen to others, that whole thought process goes through my head…then I assume they are going through the same changes I went through and I back up…

While I think I’m being cautious, I’m actually not…I’m being a dern scaredy cat! AND all the things I’m afraid of are things that I’VE conjured up. No more!!! I can no longer project my idiosyncrasies onto others and then act like it was their fault I acted like I did.

I’m a work in progress. Just glad that I am recognizing my shortcomings so I can do better and be better…

God is awesome. I have seen Him make ways, open doors, change lives, heal bodies, convert mindsets, and so much more. Like…I’ve experienced myself, know people personally who have experienced it, and seen and heard testimonies of things only God could do. His power is redemptive, renewing, refreshing, and revolutionary!

You know when you hear something so much it becomes old hat to you? I think that is where I was with the aforementioned. I experience it, I read stories about it, I rejoice, and then I’m done. I feel like I became calloused to the overwhelmingly wonderful EVERYTHING that is God. This week, I meet a woman named Carmela who reminded me what relishing in those moments means.

Carmela recalled a time when she was broke, depressed, and in the worst place in her life. It was 2007. There were so many things that were going wrong and she was continually spiraling downward. She happened upon a sign near her apartment advertising a revival near her house. She had tried everything else…she figured she’d try church.

She said that she didn’t really have any expectations of the service or anything; she just wanted to feel better. She had told God she wanted things to change…she NEEDED things to change. She wasn’t really a “church going” person, but she was out of options. The revival featured a concert by the Clark Sisters. Carmela said that their music was so inspiring, she knew something was going to happen. The guest preacher gave an impactful message and encouraged the congregation to fast for 40 days. He also encouraged them to sow a seed. She put her last $7 in the offering and fasted for the 40 days.

As Carmela is sharing this story with me, tears welled up in her eyes and a light came across her face. Carmela said, “From that point forward, my life has never been the same! I met my husband, my job situation changed, and I’ve never struggled like I did before then. I mean, I’ve struggled, but NOT like that.” The joy and exuberance that erupted from her recount was so pure…so full of appreciation…so devoid of a “churchy” response…it made an impact and reminded me of the countless times God has moved on my behalf.

I don’t ever want to forget what God’s work in my life did for me! We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. Carmela had many more stories to share, but that testimony for her is when everything changed. I’ve got stories like that as well. We all do!

Tell me…what is your story of transformation? Share with me your experience with God and how He changed everything.

I’ve been reading a lot about people sharing their stories of sexual abuse. Most of these stories are old, but their recollection of the incidents still seem fresh. With the influx of stories, the general public asks many questions trying to validate these new allegations.

I’m so tired of you…so very tired… Why do you feel the need to go off about things you know nothing about? I don’t normally comment on things as such, but this one hits home for me.

I’m a survivor of rape. I say survivor because my sanity was on its way out. Insanity looked like a much better option than the angst of what I physically and mentally experienced. Someone decided that my “no” wasn’t acceptable or that it was worthless because they had other plans. I had to deal with people who didn’t believe my story…people saying they were disappointed in ME for what happened TO me…friends jumping on the “you shouldn’t have let that happen to you” bandwagon…and my own “what I should’ve done differently” mentality. As I was spiraling downward, the shame of what happened ALMOST took me outta here. I didn’t want to live anymore in that space…to the point that I didn’t want to live anymore…period. I didn’t want to talk to God. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and face more ridicule for what happened to me. It wasn’t my fault…

THANK GOD I had people around me that could help me navigate that season in my life!!! Based on what I read nowadays in social media, you ninjas would’ve let me die citing that I should have done something about it sooner…without offering the help I needed.

So, unless you have faced some form of abuse, shut the H-E-double hockey sticks up about it. You don’t know what it took for someone to come forward even years later. You don’t know how a particular situation changed the course of their life. You don’t know how they have to approach things because they see their attacker on a consistent basis. You don’t know…you don’t know…

My suggestion is that you pray for them. Help them get help. Give them the phone number, address, email, and website of a reputable psychologist. Talk to them. Let them know you are a safe haven for all the feelings and thoughts that they’ve bottled up for ALL these years. Do that, will you? We would greatly appreciate it…

Revelations on the Road

Often times when traveling, God speaks to me. It could be driving across town or flying across the country…He will show me something that amazes me.

The other day as I was leaving my best friend’s house, I found myself behind a NICE black corvette. It was “souped up” looking like it had just gone through the car wash. We were stopped at a traffic light waiting to enter the highway. As soon as the light turned green, I eagerly anticipated this sleek sports car to speed off from the line, but that wasn’t the case. The car took off slowly. I thought to myself, “Ok…he’s being cautious. That’s good, I’m sure..” LOL! Hey, I have my feelings about fast cars which I’ll share in a moment.

As we wind on up the ramp to 95N, I start anticipating again…waiting for the car to take off, never to be seen again! No, that wasn’t the case. As a matter of fact, the car didn’t even make the speed limit. I don’t think I have a lot of pet peeves (my bestie said otherwise), but a car that is supposed to go fast and doesn’t lands very high on my list! I mean, you spent all that money for all that speed…you’re supposed to use it, right? As I was thinking in my head about the Facebook post I would make later about said pet peeve (because I’m sure ALL of my friends on there care about it), this exact phrase came to my mind:

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE ALL THAT POWER IN THERE AND NOT USE IT!!!!!

Immediately, I was convicted. You see, I have power in me that I am not using. I have education that has made me knowledgeable. I have vast experience that makes me profitable. I have the exousia of the Holy Ghost that makes me well able to do the things He’s called me to do. (I hope my alliteration makes sense…trying to make my 3 points…LOL!)  How am I going to have all this power and not use it?

I did a Facebook Live right before this all happened stating that I had a situation happen to me 3 times…the SAME situation. After the first one, I said, “Thank You, Lord, for sparing my life!” After the second one, I said, “How could this happen again, Lord? Thank You?” After the THIRD time, I said, “For real, Jesus? This is what you want to do?” In each of those situations, I was left unable to do some things physically…but the one thing I still had was my voice. God has given me opportunities to share whether through speaking or writing that I have not taken; so I feel like He’s said, “You’re not going to do it, huh? Ok, well, let’s see what you think when that’s all you have left… Do you not understand what I have put in you? Why do you think I’ve allowed you to go through some things? It’s not just for your friends…or for the random stranger…and it’s not going to be for everybody…but you need to use your voice to impact the WORLD for ME!”

“Ok, God, I hear you…and I’m sharing…and I’ll listen this time…”

I need you all to help keep me accountable, though. I fall off the wagon quicker than I’d like to admit. I know this is a push into the greater God has for me. Let’s encourage each other…ok?

What is it that you are supposed to be doing right now that you’re not?

I started writing this blog post 3 years ago…guess I’d better finish it, huh? Here we go…

So…I joined the Candy Crush world not too long ago…and I am hooked like everyone else! LOL! Who knew that swiping your finger on your phone trying to match some candies would be so addictive? I mean, I saw other people online going to Candy Crush Rehab and such, but that surely would not be me…right? LOL! Yes, I got caught up…but I’ve learned some deep things along the way… Ok, maybe not THAT deep, but just go with me for a minute.

Patience and Persistence: I can’t even tell you how long I have been stuck on certain levels! Oh my goodness! I am sure I was on Level 147 for 2 months or so… Yet, I kept playing. I kept asking for more lives and more moves. As I failed the level (even with only 1 jelly square left), I was not going to buy extra moves when I knew I could do it if I just kept at it! It doesn’t matter how many times you fail at something. If you know that your next level is right after this one, keep at it. Keep plugging away. Keep pursuing your success. In the end, you will be much more grateful for our next life lesson.

Process and Progress: You have to go through the process in order to see progress. You have to switch those two chocolates with the sprinkles on level 153 to move forward. If I stop now, then I’ll never know what’s on level 154 let alone level 410 (or however many levels they have now). You have to do what is required of you in that particular process season to move forward.

There were 2 more points – Pigeon-hole and Praise – but I don’t know where I was going with those…LOL! I’ll leave you to figure that out. Feel free to post a conclusion to that matter. In the meantime, I’m on Level 467 now…

Afraid of My Own Voice

In a day and age when voices are aplenty, I find myself afraid of my own voice. The advent of social media has made people experts (in their own minds) with the purpose of being cynical and critical. Sometimes, it’s just too much. I sit back reading posts and comments poised to say something deep, poetic, or inspiring…only to talk myself out of it because I don’t think it matters…

I have come to the realization that I have put myself on the back burner thinking “do I even matter?” I am the culprit for all I am about to divulge, but I need to take a walk down memory lane to recognize how I got to this place.

When I was younger, I was always ridiculed for speaking off the cuff. I would speak truth even when it was best to have been silent. I thought speaking truth (which sometimes was just my truth) would set me and everyone else free; but, being a reckless youth, it subjected me to a scrutiny that still haunts me today. I was teased for my appearance and punished for my speech. It was then that I decided to be quiet so I wouldn’t have to feel like the lowest of the low anymore.

Fast forward to my radio days…I felt a freedom for which I had been yearning for many years. My voice was being heard! There were moments of God-breathed depth that I still cannot get over. The moments of pure joy that came just from being a liberated Leesha still make me smile. Having a microphone in my hand as I hosted events made me feel like I could conquer anything! I love being in front of people (large audiences or like 1-2 people…anything else is weird…LOL!). The energy that you get from introducing an artist or presenting someone an award or telling a joke is amazing!!! (Side note: I love the medium of radio and would love to work in that arena again) And then…from speaking truth in what I thought was a safe environment, I lost it all.

Now, as life has dealt me blow after blow, I don’t even want to speak anymore. People now think I’m quiet as a church mouse…and I am…because I don’t feel like my voice is worth listening to. How can I tell someone to be REAL when I’m struggling financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually? How?

I know somewhere way back deep in my knower that I am the head and not the tail and all that…I do. There are just times, like now, that I wonder if it’s worth it. I have been in 2 car accidents in less than a year…my relationships have been through and some are still in the fire…business isn’t as great as I’d like it to be…my health is failing…and there soooo much more on my shoulders…and as much as I try, I’d like the first words out of my mouth to be “God made a way…” but, since they’re not, I say nothing…

But I will start speaking again. I have speak to the greatness of God for being a keeper and a sustainer and a way maker and a heart fixer and a mind regulator. I have to tell Him “thank You” for the trials and tests that make me stronger, wiser, and better. I have to give Him the glory for the opportunity afforded to me as a mother of Gavin to impart things into his life. I will rejoice and be glad in this day that the Lord has made. Since God did not give me a spirit of fear, I will no longer be afraid to use my voice. I may be a bit shaky at first, but I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. I serve an amazing God who, through all my missteps, can give me peace and fortify my position in Him! My voice is valid and is needed in the kingdom…

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